On the bright side.

Wait, is there a bright side?
Im still stuck with living at home for the time being which is not good. I am spending ridiculous amounts of money driving back and forth to where I need to be and where I would rather be. My cats have been driving me crazy. I haven't been able to be home lately because I've been so busy with school. But uhhh anyways! So when I am home all three cats are following me about and meowing at me and walking across the keyboard or sitting in front of my screen which is the current dilemma. It wouldn't be so much of a problem if I didnt still live here though because I would be able to have friends over to myyy place and in turn would be there more often.
Heres a bright side: I just got a raise at work and am officially Supervisor even though thats the job I've been doing for the past few months. Atleast now I have the 'title' and a better paycheck. They also are giving me more hours which is a great thing but at the same time is putting alot of strain on my studies. But that is life and I'm grown and its time to take care of responsibilities and not act like a child.
It can be hard to take on all these responsibilities. Not because its more work but because there is a lot of pressure from the outside, as in friends who are not grown and have little to no responsibilities. I'm trying extremely hard to not fall behind in studies and get distracted with minute things that do not matter. Its strange because a lot of the people I hang out with have no idea what my life is like. I go to school fulltime and I work nearly full time. That is alot more than a lot of people can say. So I wake up early in the morning and go to school. I come home for 2 hours and turn around and go to work and Im there for generally 7 hours. Then I get off late at night and theres about 2 hours I have until midnight, which is when I typically try and fall asleep. So the few hours I'm home during the day, both in between school and work and after work I am studying or reading for school. My life is dull and boring during the week. Throughout the week not only am I running around like a goose with my head cut off but I have constant txtmsgs from people asking me "whats up?" and "lets do something tonight". I won't lie, it is very tempting. I try so hard not to fall into it but then I always feel guilty like I'm letting my friends down. Which I know I shouldn't feel so bad but I do. They just really have no clue what its like to work as hard as I do at both school and work. So I'm starting to learn how to balance everything out. I suppose there just used to the Blaire of the summer who does something every night because I don't have to worry about school in the summer. That might also change this summer because I might consider taking atleast one summer class, which I don't think would be so bad. Whooo, that was a lot of ramble.


I recognize that this is an altogether off the wall thought but I just don't want to let anyone down.

I would just like to say thankyou,

She just can't quit smiling.

Well today was okay... at first. Then it turned out to be GREAT.
I was bummed cause after I got out of class I had a small break then I had to go to work.. that was no fun. While I am working I get a txt msg from me mum! She tells me that the guy selling the house we were looking at accepted our offer!!!!!!!!!
Whoa, I cannot believe this happened so soon. I was beginning to think it wasn't going to work out. I guess I was just trying not to get my hopes up too too high. So now we have to go through all of these things such as a general inspection and a termite inspection and some other things. She said that it would maybe take about three weeks to close. I am soooo excited I cannot believe I'm going to have a house, thats mine! So hopefully everything goes over well. I'm pretty sure I have a roomate, I just hope they don't flake out on me.

So we shall see how every thing goes =]

anxious.

AHHHHHHH. I can't believe today actually happened.
My Mum and I have been looking for houses to buy for me and we found one. She was going back in forth as to whether or not she was going to put an offer on it or not. Well she sent me a txt today and said she did! It will apparently take a week to hear whether or not the seller will accept. This is going to be the longest week ever! I really hope it happens because I'm tired of always getting my hopes up for absolutely nothing. Its a small house down close to UofL so I won't have to go far to school. Its two bedrooms one bath and all new everything. The seller bought it as a piece of junk and he flipped it, so it looks really nice. It's so stinking cute. I am also happy because it comes with a new washer, dryer, fridge, dishwasher, stove and microwave!
I'm really trying to not get my hopes set on it incase we dont get it.. but its hard because it only seems perfect. =]

but on another note... not such a good one, my ex will not leave me alone. Everyday he sends me txt messages and I never once have written back yet they still keep coming. Does he not get the picture that I don't want to talk to him and I simply want him out of my life? He is like the crazy stalker ex-boyfriend you see in movies, for example Woogi, in Theres Something about Mary. Scary and creepy. (['pp;;; <---aweee look, Abu wanted to say hi!) But anyways, now that Abu has spoken his peace, I really dont know what to do about him. I want to block his phone number so he can't contact me but I dont know how to go about doing that. Also, today when I got home from work I checked my myspace and he wrote me a message threatening me. I can't take this. He has lost his mind seriously and I do not trust him. Like I've said before, if its not one thing than its another... I just hope that this will all blow over soon.

But, I need to go study.... since I'm a big Junior and all!!!!

why i wake up in the morning.

Sometimes I just don't care anymore.
Sometimes I just want to quit everything I'm doing.

When I'm like this there isn't much that makes me smile.

Everyone will always bail on you, even if they say they wont, they will.

Thats why I am thankful I have three kiddos that I call my own.

They are always there for me and they know when somethings wrong. I love them.

Introducing my first born: Calee, six years ago I found her at church and I asked my folks if I could take her home (her and her liter were dropped off/abandoned in the church parking lot), and of course they said no. So during the service I took her upstairs to the youth room and after service and after my parents drove home i shoved her in my purse and walked home. I snuck her in and kept her in my closet three days before I told my parents about her. I begged them to let me keep her and they did as long as I paid for everything, which I have. Shes beautiful to me.

She can be quite charming.

My second born: Strider. I am a complete nerd and I named him after Lord Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings series. He will be two years old in April. Heres his story... My friend Katie found a litter of 4 baby kittens and they were all like a week old. She had them at her house and since they were so young, eyes not opened or anything, they had to be bottle fed every two hours. She had school and work and wasn't able to take care of them. So.... I brought them home one day. I was supposed to find homes for all of them but "no one would take him". Ha. He is a spoiled brat and thinks he is human. He really thinks I am his mother because thats all hes ever know. Everyday when I come home he is waiting at the door for me and he has to be picked up. He is perfectly content sitting on my shoulder for hours on end.

The newest addition: Abu. He was a christmas present from a friend. He is named after the cute little monkey from Aladdin. He is so friendly and loving yet always up to something. Him and Strider have become very close friends and they love to chase each other around and tackle one another. He is only about a year old. Nearly every night he cuddles with me. He can't just lay next to me... he has to always be touching me. I think its a comfort thing. I have only had him since christmas and he is already a part of the family, I am thankful for this addition.

Abu and Strider napping after many chases up and down the stairs.

The whole gang.

Grin and bare it..

Well I moved out of the house I was living in with three friends because it all went to hell in a handbag. I still love the two guys I was rooming with but the girl... that is a different story. I now dislike her with a passion.. needless to say living together ruined our friendship. Granted she wasnt a very close friend or anything. I tried to get an apartment with my roomate Shaun but he wasn't able to get a co-signer. I didn't want to have to pay another monthsrent to live in a house I was miserable in... so I have sucked it up and am back home with my dad. Ugh.
My mother is my hero. She always has my back (for the most part), and she is completely supportive. I honestly really do not know what I would do with out her. She has completely stepped up. I guess all of this makes up for the years we didn't speak to each other, which I do in fact regret tremendously.
We've talked about it before but nothing has really came of it yet. My mum is going to buy me a house.. wellll not completely buy me a house. She is paying for it and I am going to pay like rent and eventually one day it will be mine. I do believe she wins the mother of the year award. We have been looking online and driving around and she has been approved at the bank and shes been talking with different realtors. I cannot believe this is actually going to happen =].
At the house I was living in I hated it. Every day I would come home from work and there would be people in my living room on my furniture. Its like they were there everyyyday and would not leave. And every weekend it seemed we were having a 'party' and it wasnt even my friends and some how I always ended up cleaning up. People would come over who I could not stand being around so I would just be a recluse in my room. Needless to say, it got old really quick. So it is a relief to be out of there. But this house is going to be mineeee, and I make the rules and I decide what happens when and who can come over. And there will be no smoking in the house... which is a dreadful habit anyways.
So now hear I am just waiting. Being here at the fathers house is not a blast... not even close to fun. They just annoy me. So I need to 'grin and bare it'. Hopefully this house thing happens fast because I really do not know how much longer I will be able to handle living in this house. AND I am so sick of people questioning me on why I want to live on my own when "you have it so good at home"... well listen here friend, YOU live here for a month and tell me whether you like it or not. Half the time I feel like I want to either kill them or myself. It is not fun.
Looks like I'll just have to wait it out and hope for a new home soon.

New year, same stress.

Hello 2009.
Hopefully this year might be better, odds are...this is wishful thinking.

Right off the bat I am going back to school in three days. Joy.
So I log on to ULink, UofL's student site, to check and see which classes I am taking and when. I figured while I was at it I would check and see what books I am going to be purchasing in the immediate future. WHOAAAAAAA. Get a load of this:

Microeconomics Book 1 = $102.00
Microeconomics Book 2 = $104.50
Theoretical Criminology = $59.95
Role Playing..Decision Making (Urban Politics & Gov't) = $45.75
Political Change in the Metropolis = $67.50
Democratic Constitution = $26.25
American Constitutional Law = $64.25
TOTAL =======470.20

Now I would love if someone can tell me where on earth am I going to stumble across this much money, cause lord knows I dont have it. All of these prices are also used... not even new. I've searched Amazon, none cheaper. I've even searched CraigsList, no luck. Asked the parentals, that was a hell no. Searched online Scholarships, barely eligible for any of them. I suppose I'll have to see what the Mum will say.
I need to set up a 'Blaire needs books badly' fund.

I am baffled. Not only is tuition rising for bullshit hidden reasons, but the price of books is insanely ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. How do they expect anyone to graduate. It flat out stinks. My parents make just barelyyy enough money so that the gov't wont do anything to help yet they dont make enough to pay for all of it. Our gov't sucks.

But this leads me to a different subject...
At school you have to fill out your FAFSFA. Which is all your parents financial information and blah blah blah. This is what they look at to judge whether you will recieve any financial grants. On my FAFSFA they look at both my mother and my fathers income. So I never recieve any gov't aid because my parents make 'just enough'. Excuse me but I think this is all BULLSHIT. I dont even see why they take into account my father because he doesn't do shit for me when it comes to school. He never once has helped me pay for books. Never once helped with any tuition money. And hes all about "I'm so proud of you," "Can't wait for you to graduate"... well if I drop out he cant say a damn thing cause the only way he's supporting me is verbally and that don't pay the bills. How in the world am I supposed to take these courses and do good in them if I cannot even afford to buy the freakin' books?????

So basically I have a week at the most to come up with close to five-hundred dollars. I guess I'm going to have to get a job at Deja Vu.
Or maybe I'll just settle with standing on the corner.